WARNING: This post is RIDICULOUSLY LONG. No joke! I mean ridiculously. long. OK... you've been warned!
I finally decided to write down my latest pregnancy story and post it on my blog in the hopes that whether you are pregnant, will be pregnant in the future, or know someone who is or will be pregnant, that my experience can provide anyone who reads it with hope, in the same way similar stories gave me hope during a very devastating and confusing time for me. It is a long story, and even a little scary, but it has a happy ending, so I hope you can bear with me through this!
Not many people know this, but in July of this year, Kyle and I were so excited to find out that we were pregnant with our third child. It was diappointing, to say the least, when about 3 days shy of nine weeks along in that pregnancy, I began spotting, then bleeding, and then eventually ended up miscarrying at exactly nine weeks. It was a sad time for Kyle and I, but a time of gratitude and great faith. Gratitude to our Heavenly Fatherfor my health, and all things considered, that the miscarriage had gone as well and as smoothly as can possibly be expected. Gratitude for the fact that getting pregnant, for, us, has been anything but a challenge. And gratitude for the two beautiful daughters that Heavenly Father has already blessed us with. With so many amazing blessing in our lives, how could we be anything but grateful? At that time, we knew that although we were experiencing quite the let down in our lives that Heavenly Father was watching over us, that baby-or-no-baby, he was continually blessing us and that no matter what, he would always take care of us.
About two and a half weeks later, after much research, prayer and debate, Kyle and I had made the decision that we did not want to wait to try to get pregnant again, and lo and behold, just over six weeks after our pregnancy loss, I was pregnant again! We were so excited, and feeling so truly blessed with this new pregnancy. So you can only imagine our frustration when, on the same day I took the pregnancy test, I started spotting again. I immediately called my doctor's office and asked if I could come in for some sort of testing, just to see what was going on. If there was a possibility of miscarrying again, I guess I just wanted to see it coming. I was told by the nurse to come in at my earliest convenience in order to do a blood test to see where my hormone levels were at. That was Wednesday, September 29th. I was told that they would call me the next morning with my results.
When I didn't hear back from them at all on Thursday, I called them on Friday morning, only to find out that they were closed until Monday. Ugh, if I weren't already going crazy enough since my spotting had not only continued, but had gotten even heavier, now I had to wait 3 more days to find out what my levels were. Finally, on Monday morning I recieved a call from one of the nurses telling me that my hcg quantity looked good and high (around 6,000) and that the next step would be to come in for an ultrasound, even though it may be too early to actually see a fetal pole, just to see if they could spot a reason for the bleeding. She transferred me to scheduling and I was able to make an appointment for that afternoon. I knew that being only 5-6 weeks pregnant, it was very likely that it was just too early to see anything via ultrasound, so I wasn't at all surprised when the ultrasound tech took a good look around, found a gestational sac, but couldn't see much else. She asked me some questions, found out that I had very recently miscarried, and didn't seem all that concerned as she told me that normally with HCG levels as high as mine were, she should be able to see something- meaning a yolk sac and a fetal pole and a heartbeat. She sent me over to get another blood test, saying that as long as my hcg levels were going up, then we would just wait and see what happens in the next coming weeks.
After calling my doctor's office several times after their lunch break the next day, (which I was told I would hear back before lunch) I finally get a call back on Tuesday afternoon. The nurse tells me that my hcg levels came back at 27,000. All I can think is phwew! That is good news! But then she hesitently continues and asks me if I've ever heard of a blighted ovum. I've read several pregnancy books from cover to cover throughout each pregnancy, now making my third round through them. So, yes, I have "heard" about a blighted ovum. After telling the nurse so, she begins to tell me that my Doctor took a look at my ultrasound results and determined that because my hcg levels were at 27,000, the ultrasound should have shown a baby, and since it didn't, he was "pretty sure" that a blighted ovum was the reason.
Essentially, a blighted ovum is believed to occur when there is some sort of chromosomal abnormality during fertilization, and when the egg implants into the uterine wall, a placenta and gestational sac develop, but no yolk sac or fetus ever developes. I, of course, am relatively upset (and extremely confused) about this news/diagnosis. All I can think is that I am way too early on in my pregnancy for the doctor to make that kind of diagnosis... of course the ultrasound tech didn't see anything... I'm only 5-6 weeks!
Well, the nurse continues by telling me my options. Either I can wait it out, and wait to miscarry on my own, which could happen tomorrow, or could not happen for a few weeks, or I could make an appointment for a D & C (a surgery that would remove all products of conception from the uterus), which could be done as soon as Thursday (just two days later). She asked if I wanted to go ahead and schedule the D & C for two days later, which I kindly declined, and I told her I wanted some time to process all this information and think about it, discuss it with my husband and get back to her. She told me to take as much time as I needed, and if she hadn't heard back from me in a week, she would call me to see how I felt and to see if I had made a decision. I thanked her and hung up.
I went immedietely to the computer, and started doing some research. I researched Hcg levels and how it relates to gestational weeks and when a fetal pole first appears on ultrasound. Within minutes I found a website called misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com that literally had hundreds of stories that sounded just like mine. I read through dozens and dozens of stories of pregnant women who were diagnosed as having a blighted ovum due to having high hcg levels (some up to 100,000!!) and no baby seen on ultrasound, or some who were further along in their pregnancy (some were even 10-12 weeks!) and no baby was seen on ultrasound, all were diagnosed blighted ovum, offered a D & C or a shot/pill that would end the pregnancy, and all refused. After waiting it out several weeks and recieving further testing/monitoring a baby was eventually found!
I went from feeling hesitent about getting the D & C done to being completely and utterly convinced that I would NOT get the D & C, but that I would wait it out and either miscarry naturally, or go in for an ultrasound eventually and hopefully find a baby with a heartbeat. It didn't take me a week to call the nurse at my Doctor's office back. I called her the next day, and I let her know what I had decided. I also asked if it would be possible to come in weekly for further blood tests and ultrasounds, just so I could know what's happening, and if I am actually going to miscarry, that I would know it was coming (if my hcg levels start dropping). She tells me that they can absolutely do that for me, but that she wanted to let my Doctor know what I had decided and see what he thought. So she would go talk to him, and call me back.
At least an hour later, I finally get a phone call back. The nurse tells me that she had "just had a looong talk" with my Doctor and that due to the fact that "he is 100% sure that a blighted ovum is what's going on" and since he had already submitted a blighted ovum/miscarriage diagnosis to my insurance company the day before, that my insurance would not cover further blood tests/ultrasounds for my pregnancy. They are not considered medically necessary, since I am just going to miscarry no matter what, and all that my doctor can do for me is a D & C.
She continues to tell me that my doctor "strongly encourages" that I get the D & C as opposed to waiting to miscarry naturally, because in the case of a blighted ovum, even though there is no fetus present, there is a placenta, which will continue to develop until my body realizes that there is not fetus, and miscarries the pregnancy. There is no saying when this will happen, and the nurse explains to me that the Doctor feels that if I wait, it could be weeks, and when I finally do miscarry, I will wind up in the emergency room in severe pain, with excessive bleeding, and more than likely, infections. Which, having just gone through a miscarriage at nine weeks, with no pain and no complications, I definitely found that hard to believe. He also says that he has seen a blighted ovum go full term (meaning 37 weeks +), so I could literally be waiting around for months and months for an inevitable miscarriage to happen. Which is great, because beside the fact that he was blatently lieing to me, it is interesting that he would admit to seeing a patient clear through a pregnancy where no baby is present... and he just didn't notice that there was no heartbeat and no movement for nine months??? Anyway, I did a little research on that topic, as well, and there is no such thing as a blighted ovum going beyond 12 weeks, and the fact that he would lie to me in order to scare me into getting a procedure done that I didn't want is just psychotic to me!
And on top of all that, the nurse continues by telling me that the doctor also recommends not waiting to miscarry naturally (which it is an interesting fact that the American Medical Board actually recommends miscarrying naturally) because I would only be delaying my chances of trying to concieve again. He just had to go there didn't he?! Every miscarrying woman's weakness... when can I get pregnant again?? Right? That was low. Really low. At this point I was so frustrated/infuriated, though I was still polite to nurse, (Don't shoot the messenger, right?) I kindly declined the D & C (yet again) and hung up. I hadn't changed my mind, but at this point I just didn't know what to do. I decided the best thing I could do was to pray, and just wait it out as long as possible. If I miscarry, I miscarry. If not... well then, I'll figure out what to do about that later.
The waiting game begins... and it was a loooooooong wait. I had nausea. I experienced the tell-tale exhaustion that comes with early pregnancy. I even gained a couple pounds (thanks to the after-meal nausea that only felt better with MORE food). Things seem to be progressing normally, or so one might think... and all the while I am walking on eggshells thinking that any moment I could miscarry, and that my (stupid) Doctor was right after all.
After 6 agonizingly long weeks, knowing that I'm 11-12 weeks along at this point, Kyle and I make a trip to the emergency room on Sunday night (November 14th) due to some abdominal pain that I was experiencing. My story comes out. I was told I would miscarry 6 weeks ago... blighted ovum... blah, blah, blah. My nurses and ER doctor are shocked. My Doctor actually says, "Well, you wouldn't really see much on an ultrasound considering you were only 6 weeks, now would you?" Yea, wow. They do a blood test and order an ultrasound, and about an hour later I am being wheeled into the ultrasound room and I am absolutely terrified.
I keep telling myself, that no matter the outcome, at least I will finally know and the long waiting game will finally be over. The ER ultrasound tech wasn't aware of my story, and begins the ultrasound with no other intent but finding the source of my abdominal pain. More than likely attempting a bit of sarcasm, he announces, "Hey! Looks like you're pregnant!" Kyle and I are glued to the screen, and sure enough, within seconds, plain as day, there is an 11 week 6 day-old baby! Strong heartbeat of 160, and kicking around like crazy! That moment was literally so surreal for me. I WAS RIGHT! My Doctor was so wrong! And just imagine if I had, you know, actually listened to my doctor... we would have killed our baby! It was such an amazing moment of such sweet relief and pure joy. It was really happening. What we hadn't even let ourselves think about for the last 6 weeks, was finally a reality... we were having another baby!
The reason I share this ridiculously long story, is so that anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation knows that just because the words "blighted ovum" or "miscarriage" come out of your Doctor's mouth, doesn't mean that your pregnancy is not, in fact, actually viable. The best advice that I can possibly give is, "It's not over 'til it's over." Don't go to durastic measures (like a D and C or medications) to end your pregnancy before you know without a doubt that your pregnancy is actually over.
